


set your old heart free.

by lordvoldyfarts



Series: tumblr prompts. [4]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Drabble Sequence, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-20
Updated: 2016-04-20
Packaged: 2018-06-03 12:02:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6609979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lordvoldyfarts/pseuds/lordvoldyfarts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the one where lexa is in love with clarke but clarke rejected her. lexa starts to date octavia because they're both looking for a temporary fix. or the one where clarke is too late.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Her hands are gripping the handle of mug so tightly her knuckles are white.

“Let it go before you break it,” Raven says from across the table. Clarke looks back at her. Her jaw is clenched and her pupils are blown wide. Raven’s frowning. “You don’t get to be mad, Clarke,” she says, her voice void of any sympathy. Clarke sighs. She rests her chin in the palm of her hand. Across the room, Octavia and Lexa are wrapped up in each other, Lexa wiping spare crumbs off of Octavia’s mouth. It’s sick. Absolutely disgusting.

“I know,” Clarke mutters. Raven’s right. She doesn’t. Lexa asked her out first and she’d said no. Foolishly, stupidly, and mistakenly. But she wasn’t ready. As beautiful, wonderful, and sweet as Lexa was,  _ is _ , she wasn’t ready. 

But now Clarke’s fingers are shaking with silent rage as she watches Octavia put a piece of muffin into Lexa’s waiting mouth. It should be  _ her _ .

God, she hates herself.

“Griff, you’ve got practice,” Raven says softly and Clarke nods.

“Yeah, I know, I know. I’m leaving,” she replies, staying still. Her eyes are, once again, fixed on Lexa and Octavia. “How are you calm about this? You’re in love with Octavia!” Clarke exclaims and she knows it’s petty, attempting to drag Raven down the rabbit hole with her, but it’s a lonely place. She can’t help but want company. Raven rolls her eyes.

“And Octavia isn’t in love with me. C’est la vie,” Raven says with a shrug though it’d take an idiot not to see the pain in her eyes. Clarke huffs, blowing air out of her mouth, causing the stray hairs against her forehead to move. She watches as Octavia leans in to kiss Lexa square on the mouth. Clarke’s stomach jolts. She stands abruptly, slinging her soccer bag over her shoulder.

“I’ve got to go vomit before practice,” she grumbles and walks out of the cafe, leaving Raven chuckling behind her.

-

Practice is long and grueling. She runs faster, kicks harder, focuses better than usual. A clear attempt to get Lexa out of her head. She runs extra laps after practice. Maybe she can just sweat her out if she tries hard enough. She’s got headphones in her ears when she stops, leaning over with her hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath. She looks up and through her bangs, she sees her. She’s standing by the bleachers, her hands gripped behind her back. Clarke’s heart stops. Lexa notices that she’s come to a stop and she starts to walk over to her. Clarke meets her halfway. “What are you doing here?” Clarke asks, breathlessly. Lexa bites down on her bottom lip. Her cheeks are flushed.

“You’re sweaty,” she states and Clarke chuckles, smirking.

“That happens after practice,” she retorts. Silence falls between them then. It’s uncomfortable and awkward - something that never happened between them before.

“Listen I-”

“I miss you.”

They both say at the same time. Clarke’s chest tightens. Lexa laughs, turning her head into her shoulder. “I miss you,” she repeats. Clarke bites down on her bottom lip, trying not to smile. “Things have been….strange between us since I…,” she trails off and Clarke clears her throat.

“Since you told me you loved me?” Clarke finishes for her and Lexa flinches. Then slowly, she nods.

“Yes,” she responds.

“Seems like you moved on nice and quick,” Clarke quips and the bitterness ebbs back into her tone. Lexa’s nostrils flare.

“Don’t do that,” Lexa fires back. Clarke crosses her arms. “ _ You  _ don’t get to do that,” Lexa continues, taking a step back and shaking her head. “I told you I was in love with you and you rejected me. I have every right to move on, Clarke,” Lexa says and Clarke’s shoulders fall.

“Was,” Clarke murmurs. Lexa’s brow furrows.

“What?” She says. Clarke looks up, lifting her chin.

“You said was. Past tense,” Clarke says and Lexa swallows visibly. She closes her eyes.

“It has to be,” Lexa mutters. Clarke takes a step toward Lexa. She reaches out and grabs Lexa’s forearm. Clarke’s eyes are wide and desperate.

“Lexa, I,” Clarke pauses. THe words she so desperately wants to say are stuck in her throat. Lexa’s eyes are wide and hopeful. There’s silence between them again. Lexa shakes her head.

“Call me when you can say it, Clarke,” Lexa murmurs. She yanks her arm free and turns away, walking away from Clarke.

Clarke stands in the middle of the soccer field, eyes wide, as she watches Lexa walk away from her.


	2. Chapter 2

The buzzing starts at midnight. Lexa groans and pulls her pillow over her head. She’s sure it’s just some idiot who forgot their key trying to get in and she’s not really ready to deal with the imbeciles who live in her apartment complex. Unfortunately, whoever it does, doesn’t go away. Finally, Lexa relents. She gets out of bed and presses the buzzer, hoping that whoever it is won’t keep bothering her.

She is, unfortunately, not that lucky. There’s knocking on her door before she has a chance to slip back into bed. She lets out a heavy sigh. This better be fucking good. She opens the door, ready to tell off whoever was on the other side about the courtesy of  _ not  _ being a nuisance after midnight. The words fade in her throat when she sees who’s on the other side. Clarke. She hadn’t seen her since the afternoon at the soccer field. It’s been nearly a month. Lexa has a number of unsent text messages to her sitting in her drafts though they all ring the same tune.  _ I miss you. Come back. I don’t have to love you if it means you’ll just come back _ . She’s never gotten the courage to send them. Octavia is a good distraction but they both know she’s nothing more than that. Lexa’s made no secret of the fact that she is,  _ was _ , in love with Clarke.

Clarke’s face is flushed and she’s biting her lip. “What are you doing here?” Lexa asks, her voice exhausted in every possible way. She can’t keep doing this with her. It’s excruciating to have her keep walking in and out of her life, dragging her heart against the rough pavement every time that she does. And Lexa really thought that after she told her, that she would finally get it. She couldn’t be around her. It hurt too much. It hurt too much to look at her, and to love her, and to know that she would never get to have her. Not in the way she wanted. 

Clarke pushes past her into the living room. She looks frantic. She raises her hands to her head, gripping at the roots of her hair. “I can’t stand it anymore,” she blurts and Lexa furrows her brow. Slowly, Lexa shuts the door and leans against it. Clarke is staring at her with intensity that Lexa can’t quite comprehend. “God, everything reminds me of you. I can’t get coffee on campus or go to the library or  _ workout _ without thinking of you,” she continues and her words are slurring together and Lexa’s nose finally catches up with Clarke. Ah. She can smell the alcohol from here.

“You’re drunk,” Lexa murmurs and Clarke pauses. She takes a deep breath and she nods.

“I am,” she admits and Lexa’s glad she didn’t try and deny it. “But I mean it. I miss you like someone took my heart out of my chest and told me to try and live with it,” Clarke admits, taking a step toward Lexa, who turns her head away from her. “Lexa, I-” she starts and Lexa’s head shoots up, her eyes wide.

“Don’t you dare,” she hisses. “You don’t get to confess to me when you have the cover of alcohol so you’re allowed to conveniently forget in the morning. It doesn’t fucking work that way,” Lexa nearly yells and Clarke flinches. She crashes onto the couch, putting her head in her hands. Lexa can’t help herself. She takes a step toward her. When Clarke looks up, there are tears running down her cheeks.

“I fucked it up,” she whispers and Lexa doesn’t say anything. Clarke’s right. She did fuck it up. But Lexa figures Clarke doesn’t need her to pour salt in the wound. “I’m so fucking sorry, Lexa,” she continues and Lexa swallows. She moves and sits down next to Clarke. They sit sit silence, both staring at the wall in front of them for a few moments before Clarke leans her head against Lexa’s shoulder. Lexa doesn’t shrug her off. “I wouldn’t have forgotten,” Clarke murmurs and Lexa doesn’t say anything. She shakes her head then, bringing herself back to reality. She stands up, knocking Clarke off balance.

“You can sleep on the couch. I don’t want you walking home like this,” she murmurs, throwing a blanket from the chair to Clarke on the couch. She walks back into her bedroom without a second glance. She lets one tear fall down her cheeks before she wipes it away and refuses to let anymore fall. She’s cried enough over Clarke Griffin, she won’t do it anymore.

When she wakes up the next morning, Clarke is gone. The blanket is folded and there’s a note on top of it.  _ I’m sorry I fucked us up. I wouldn’t have forgotten. I meant it.  _

And then Lexa collapses onto the couch and lets herself cry.


	3. Chapter 3

She’s making watching television and enjoying a large glass of red wine when the doorbell rings. It’s Friday night and she just wants to be alone. Octavia is with Raven, they haven’t spent much time together since Octavia and Lexa started dating and Lexa figured she could give up her girlfriend for a night. She’s wearing loose grey sweats and a white v neck, her hair up in a bun, and she was planning on watching Shark Tank until she knocked out on the couch.

But of course, things never seemed to work out in her favor. Figuring it must be someone she knows, Lexa buzzes the person up. There’s a knocking on her door and when Lexa looks through the peephole, she feels a strange sense of deja vu. Clarke is standing on other side, with a bottle of wine, though thankfully it’s closed. Lexa contemplates just leaving her outside and going back to her wine. Pretending she never heard the knock.

But it’s Clarke. And no matter how much she wishes she could, she never had the ability to say no to her. So she opens the door, just enough so her head is visible through the crack. “You’re not drunk this time, are you?” Lexa asks wearily and Clarke chuckles.

“I’m perfectly sober. I did bring you this,” she holds up the bottle of wine, “as an apology for last time,” she finishes and Lexa bites her lip. She could just take the wine and slam the door in Clarke’s face. That’s what she should do. But her heart is thumping in her chest in that very familiar way and her smile makes her stomach turn again and she can’t. Instead, she opens the door wide enough for Clarke to come in. Clarke pushes past her into the apartment and this time, there’s no frantic hair grabbing or drunken confessions. She just sits on the couch with the bottle of wine between her knees. Lexa stands awkwardly with her hands in her sweatpants pockets.

“Thank you for the wine,” she murmurs and Clarke gives a half smile.

“It’s...the least I could do,” she says and Lexa snorts. “I’m sorry I just showed up like that,” Clarke continues, “I was drunk and the cabby asked me where home was and I said here,” she finishes with a shrug and Lexa tries not to focus on the vice that’s now tightening on her heart. She shakes her head and walks toward Clarke. She plucks the bottle of wine from between her legs and walks toward the counter. Quickly, she uncorks it. She takes a long swing from the bottle. “Whoa, slow down there. I know you’re the lightweight champ but fact remains: you  _ are  _ a lightweight,” Clarke comments and that just makes Lexa want to drink even more.

-

Three hours later, Lexa’s vision is blurry and she and Clarke are laying on her bed. Despite the fact that she’s laying down, the room is still spinning. They’re on their backs, facing the ceiling, the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling the only thing lighting up the room. Lexa turns her head toward Clarke. “You’re beautiful,” she murmurs, the words coming out before she has a chance to put them through her filter. Clarke bites her lip.

“You shouldn’t be telling me that,” Clarke whispers back, turning toward her. Lexa bites her lip.

“I know. But I mean it. You are,” she says simply. Clarke smiles and it’s the brightest and most beautiful thing that Lexa has ever seen.

“You’re not so bad yourself,” Clarke replies. This is the closest they’ve been in months and every part of Lexa has missed this - missed Clarke. Sometimes she regrets telling her how she felt. Things never had to change. They could still be doing things like this every night. God, Clarke was her best friend. Why did she have to ruin it by falling in love with her?

“Can you,” Lexa pauses. It’s a stupid request. One she really shouldn’t be making but there’s nothing she wants more in the moment. “Could you just. Hold me for a little while, Clarke? Like old times,” Lexa requests and Clarke smiles gently at her. She nods. She rolls over throws an arm over Lexa’s waist. She pulls Lexa against her and once again, Lexa’s reminded of just how well their bodies seem to fit together. Just like a lock and key. Clarke rests her head on Lexa’s shoulder and Lexa brings her arm to rest over the one Clarke has over her waist. Lexa laces her fingers through Clarke’s own. “Thank you,” Lexa murmurs, her eyes falling shut.

She tries to fight the feeling that falling asleep with Clarke like this? Feels like it’s meant to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me @ aliciaclvrk for drabbles, questions, or if you want to sent a prompt my way! this is just a short drabble series that i use as a palette cleanser so feel free to send me things you want to see from this universe! i'm open to suggestions or prompts of any kind with this one.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me @ aliciaclvrk for drabbles, questions, or if you just want to shoot a prompt my way!


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